What it feels like to be hijacked by your inner critic

As a long-time practitioner of Positive Intelligence, I’d love to say that I rarely encounter my inner critic. The truth is, we are all works in progress, and my inner critic will never completely go away. However, I have learned to diminish its power and quiet its negative voice—until today.

I'm writing this in a state of partial judgment and a bit of Sage.

A Tough Evening and a Rough Morning

It started with a difficult evening. My oldest wanted to sleep with me, and since Dad was traveling, I thought, "Why not?" But I didn't sleep a wink. He kicked, tossed, and turned all night, waking me up repeatedly.

In the morning, I got up and made breakfast, but no one ate much since we were all still half-asleep. Then the fighting between the boys began. Unkind words, punches, and shoves—over and over again. Consequences were handed out, leading to even more crying and yelling.

I tried to get the boys to spend some time in their rooms to cool off and went into my office to get some work done. Every two minutes, a kid would come in asking for something or crying about his brother or unfair consequences. All I wanted was a few uninterrupted minutes to work.

Then came lunchtime. I made a great meal, but it went unappreciated. The kids were still fighting and crying about their consequences. I felt overwhelmed and unappreciated, wondering why they couldn’t appreciate what I had done for them.

The Inner Critic Takes Over

Things finally quieted down, but only after I lost my cool and let my inner critic get the best of me. Here's how I managed to regain control:

1. Notice: I noticed the negative emotions—frustration and unappreciation.

2. Listen: I listened to what the saboteurs were telling me. The hyper-achiever said getting work done was more important than my kids' unmet needs, while the pleaser was upset that the boys didn't appreciate all I had done.

3. Tell: I told my inner critic that now was not the time. I needed to switch gears.

4. Focus: I grounded myself in a physical sensation. For me, it was rubbing my fingers and hands together, feeling the ridges on my fingers and palms.

5. Find: I found the gift. My kids needed me. Spending a few precious minutes with them and addressing their needs helped get everyone back on track.

Finding the Gift in the Chaos

Now, I’m no longer frustrated or feeling unappreciated. I realized my kids needed me, and taking a break to help them was the right choice. And you know what? It worked!

This experience reminded me that we all have moments when our inner critic takes over. But by noticing our emotions, listening to the negative voices, telling our inner critic to step aside, focusing on the present moment, and finding the gift in the situation, we can regain control and move forward with a sense of calm and purpose.

We are all on a journey of self-improvement. While the inner critic may never fully disappear, we can learn to manage its influence and respond with compassion and clarity. Remember, every challenge is an opportunity to grow and to reconnect with what truly matters.